Whose Perspective is Missing?

            So in this book called Looking for Alaska, Alaska is this really amazing person who ends up dying at such a young age. Nobody really knows why she died. Did she kill herself by suicide? Or was it just fate that she was really drunk and just happened to crash into a cop cruiser? So many unanswered questions. But really, throughout the book, the one person who you really want to hear about is just not there. Like, Alaska will be talking and I would kind of understand her personality but where are her thoughts? I crave to know what she thinks. What she feels. What she needs. What she's been through. What her emotions are. Who she really is.
           If someone dies out of the blue, it truly makes you wonder why. I know it made me wonder what she was thinking right before she died. Even though she was sort of drunk while she was making out with  Pudge, it made me wonder what she was thinking while she doing that. She was the one who decided to do that. She has a boyfriend. I feel that she didn't want to face the facts that even though she had a boyfriend, she was actually in love with this scrawny stick of a boy. Sometimes we do things even when we can't really explain why we're doing them. Like, you just think of things at the moment and you're just like, hey wait, I have to do that. Like your instincts are pulling at your sleeve and leading you into unknown territory. But you can't really stop yourself. It's like a huge wall is blocking you way of going in the other direction. 
          When the whole gang is just smoking and drinking and chilling at their secret hideaway, I wondered if Alaska thought that she was ruining her life. But what was really like, weird was that she said something that means a lot though it's just a few words. She said "you guys smoke for fun. I smoke to die." That sticks out to me so much considering that that line is so emotional that it can be interpreted in so many ways. One my interpretations is that she must have had something serious happen to her in her childhood that made her to distant and emotional.  And I was right. Her mother died in front of her eyes. To have to see you own mother dying in front you is freaking sick. And what's even worse is that she blames herself because she didn't think to call 911 when her mother was dying. To have to live with that guilt  is like slowly being killed inside. Like something evil and indestructible is just eating away at you. And there's nothing to stop its hunger.
           The presence of Alaska is so strong in this book. She's like a flame that will never blow out. Even when she is dead, her presence is in every corner of very room. She is not a memory, but a light that has sneaked it's way into your soul.